A Walk In Sheldon's World
by Princess dogooder
Summary: Sheldon finally explains why he behaves the way he does


Disclaimer: I don't own the big bang theory. This story is told from Sheldon's point of view.

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><p>"Over the years I have been accused of being annoying, obsessive, unyielding and treating every relationship like it were a business but none of you know what my world is like. If you knew you would not give me a hard time like you do.<p>

"Imagine for a minute if you had an itch **inside **your body and one that you could not scratch. Now imagine that there is some sort of drink you could take or injection that would make the itch go away but you have to take it in a particular way. That's what it's like to be me. If things don't go the way I'm wanting them to go it makes me uncomfortable.

"You may not understand but my life has not been an easy one. I grew up with a sister 4 years older then me, a brother 2 years older then me and a twin sister 18 minutes younger then me. I was one of four. Then, when I was 7 death took my sister away. Mom said she was in heaven and god took her but if GOD exists and that's a **big if **He is cruel for taking my sister. Didn't He know I love her? Didn't He know I needed her? Didn't He know she was my hero. She would protect me and teach me and guide me and, well she was my big sister and my friend.

"Not long after that I became interested in science. It was an area where I excelled. It made things make sense to me. My sister for instance died because the cells in her brain were multiplying too quickly and would not stop growing. It didn't bring my sister back but it explained why she died. I began needing answers for everything. I decided I had two options. First, I could believe GOD doesn't exist or second I could hate Him. I decided to believe He didn't exist

"You say I'm too tough but you know what Leonard I grew up being bullied, picked on and taught that there are certain responses that are appropriate and others that were not. I grew up with order in a disordered mess and I found it comforting. Do you not get, Amy that when I act like that it's my way of showing that I care because I don't know any other way? Is that so hard for you to comprehend. Yes, I try to be a leader because that way I can control things more easily. When I can control things it is easier for me to protect the people that I love. What else am I supposed to do? Had I acted in any other way it would have been irrational and done more harm then good.

"Raj I know that I give you a hard time but that's because I care about you. Howard, I know I always say you're the extra in the group but honestly, the group couldn't function without you. Penny you have done a world of good for Leonard and despite the fact that you don't have an upstanding moral compass well, I do love you.

"Leonard you are my roommate and my best friend. You have seen me through hard times and have celebrated good times with me. When I was depressed you were the one that lifted me back up.

"You all asked me once why I needed for everything to be done in a certain order. When I was 14 years old I had a girlfriend... yes I had a girlfriend. I was in college but my parents wouldn't let me go away for the first 4 years until I graduated. They knew that it wasn't what was right for me even though I thought differently. Anyway every day I would eat breakfast, go to classes do my homework, void my bladder, evacuate my bowls spend some time with my family and then go to bed after dinner. One day I went to the bathroom before I did my homework. That day my girlfriend was hit by a car and died. That's why everything needs to be in a particular order. If I skew from the order then I could lose someone else I love. Why do you think everything has to be a particular way in a particular rhythm? It's got to be 2+2+2+2+2 when I'm doing something that requires more then one thing for example or I could do 2 sets of 5 which is 5x2. Yes I know science isn't the only answer but it's the only answer that gives me answers. Does it feel right? Maybe not but it feels safe and if that's the sacrifice I have to make then so it be."


End file.
